I just want to say one thing.
If you have depression or anxiety, you don’t have to apologize for being tired all the time and wanting to sleep.
You don’t have to have an excuse to sleep all day. You’re tired because you are fighting a war called depression and anxiety. And it’s exhausting. I get it.
They both come with low energy and fatigue as a common side effect and it can drain your energy especially if you are fighting your brain all the time.
Think about this - have you ever had so much sugar that it gives you such a rush that when it wears off you crash after having it?
The sugar rush is close to how someone fighting anxiety, depression and or suffers from panic attacks can feel after coming down from being so hyped up on adrenaline.
Are you always on edge?
That can make someone exhausted after fighting a bad battle of mental health.
When someone has a mental illness doing things causes more energy then in a person who doesn’t battle a war.
You’re not tired for no reason, you’re tired because you have just fought a war in your head of mental health and you deserve to sleep as long as you need to sleep to feel better.
Yesterday a war broke out and caused chaos in my head and I lost it.
I screamed into a pillow. I cried loudly to let it all out. My body was shaking non-stop. My whole body was overheating from my toes to my head.
I felt like I was going to explode like ammo that has been stepped on and triggered.
As I laid in bed trying to recover I listed in my head things that help me calm down.
1. Salty foods are my favorite new thing to reach for after having a panic attack.
2. Being left alone in a quiet environment helps a lot.
3. Unplugging from social media and life in general helps eases my mind.
4. Baths with epson salts or bubbles while Jack Johnson playing in the background.
5. Sleeping is the most powerful recovery method in my mind.
6. Writing has always been my go to of letting go of emotions.
7. Going for a walk in nature somewhere usually works.
The list goes on and on, but I’m sure you have a pretty clear idea by now.
I felt so bad having to bail out on my plans to go on a photo and Target adventure, but something deep down inside of me got triggered and I just broke down.
I feel so much better today, but still exhausted from fighting that powerful war inside of me.
Thank you to everyone who texted me wondering where I was yesterday. It means a lot that you checked up on me to see if I was okay or not.o
when you experience anxiety and you feel like your heart is exploding and your chest is caving in, please:
1.) breathe. yes, i know. breathe? really? that’s all ya got? but when you’re panicking in a corner feeling like your world is collapsing it’s hard to keep that in mind. focus on steady breathing, my love.
2.) do not let the unknown source of your anxiety frustrate you. sometimes there is no explanation, sometimes your subconscious is overwhelmed and the anxiety hits you out of no where. you can’t let that upset you.
3.) i know that this feeling won’t last forever. you will be okay. that i can promise you.
4.) when the initial attack is over, and you’re left with the pain in your chest, ache in your head, pit in your stomach and hurt in your soul, please find something to take your mind off of everything; watch a disney movie, read a book, a bubble bath, talk with a loved one.
5.) try not to dwell and wallow. anxiety is hard, it’s suffocating and cruel but you can’t let it control you. you can’t let it win. do the things that make you happy and put all the pain behind you for as long as you can.
6.) and please remember anxiety does not define you. you are more than a panic attack. you are more than an illness. this is not who you are. you are much more.
She’s shy when it comes to speaking with her emotions and her feelings.
She’s worried that whoever she talks to will not understand what she’s trying to say.
Most times I see her getting tongue-tied and getting nervous.
She often forgets what she’s saying and begins to break down inside afraid of what people think of her if they knew what was going on inside of her head.
Her stomach ties itself into a gigantic knot and that knot gets tighter and tighter every time she tries to speak.
She feels her eyes begin to water and when tears begin to roll down her cheeks they burn her fragile skin.
Her lips get dry and she doesn’t know what to do.
She stops talking and begins to look for a way out.
Running away is all the girl ever knew how to do in situations like these.
She has always ran from her fears, her troubles and her worries.
She doesn’t know how to control what she’s feeling inside.
When it’s quiet around her she feels more safe and sound, but once an outburst happens she freaks out and doesn’t know what to do.
This is what a panic attack feels like.
What would you do?
Do you know the solution?
Taking a bath or a shower. Adding bubbles or a cup of bath salts to your bath can be relaxing. If that’s too much energy, wash your hands and face and wipe down the rest of your body.
If you have any pets, spend time with them. Take them on a walk around your neighborhood. A little exercise for you and your pet never hurt. It always helps me feel a little better.
If you’re hungry, find yourself something to eat. Comfort food is the best. Maybe try baking cookies. You always deserve to eat.
If you can, clean your room or house. You don’t have to deep-clean it, all you need to do is organize a little bit.
Listen to some music. Dance, if you want.
Start listening to a podcast. I am currently loving My Favorite Murder.
Partake in one of your hobbies. I like to write, photograph and read. Even if you’re incredibly low energy, there can be something to do.
If you’re exhausted, take a nap. It doesn’t need to be very long or anything. You deserve to rest.
It’s good to talk to friends or if you have the energy to, get on FaceTime and have coffee with them.
I find it therapeutic to do my makeup. I sometimes get creative and watch a You tutorial on a new look.
Take a walk on the beach. The sand between your toes and salt water against your skin is personally my favorite form of self-care.
Get crafty. Make something you always wanted to DIY. Maybe it’s that floating shelf you have always wanted or painting old pots that are laying around in your backyard. Pinterest is my favorite go to place to find DIY inspiration.
Writing a journal of your thoughts. Spill all of your thoughts onto paper or a word document. Even if your thoughts are scary, it’s therapeutic to do this.
You deserve to put your needs first. It’s not selfish, it’s survival. You’re a beautiful person, and deserve to do things that make you feel better.
Wanting to feel good is not a bad thing.
Anxiety is not trendy.
Anxiety is a real and terrifying thing a lot of people suffer from.
A lot suffer silently.
Use some empathy.
It annoys me SO much to hear people say "well everybody seems to have anxiety these days."
Don't invalidate someone's experience!!
No one chooses to have anxiety and no one pretends to.
We need to be more open about mental health and know we're all a little fucked up.
If you are unable to empathize with someone else's pain, please just listen and be thankful they've chosen to share it with you.
If you're going to be friends or date someone with a mental illness please make sure you can go through their highs and especially their lows.
It may not be easy to be friends or date someone who is at war with their own mind every day, but do them and yourself a favor and educate yourself on what they may need to help them fight their mental health.
Her anxiety takes away her voice when she needs it most.
Her anxiety shows up at every event, in every poem.
Her anxiety overpowers her because she didn’t want to come.
Her dark circles underneath her eyes are from lack of sleep being kept up for hours on end or from her mascara running black down her face from crying in fear.
Anxiety attacks are apart of her.
She is a girl who lives with anxiety.
She has ghosts that hang out around her like an unwanted favorite pair of old jeans that she can’t let go of.
She knows that bringing her anxiety around is unwelcome and I think she knows it by now.
She fights anxiety on the daily. It’s exhausting and she needs to sleep for hours.
Her anxiety is on an on going loop that plays over and over just like an old recorded that got scratched to many times to play right.
Her anxiety asks for forgiveness when she’s running late for something.
Her anxiety makes her feel every single thing in her body and she will breakdown and cry about it.
Her triggers come out of nowhere like monsters hiding under the bed waiting to get their hands on her.
She apologizes to much for being a mess of emotions.
Her anxiety makes her feel unwanted and unloveable.
Her anxiety makes her feel small.
Her anxiety is her identity. This is who she is inside and out, but she is worth getting to know. Just don’t break her heart.
Happy Birthday they all sang.
She couldn’t hear them
The chaos turned into static…..
That’s all she could hear
Static and noise
She couldn’t take it
She had to get out of there
She pushed her way through the crowded room
Hands covering her ears
Tears forming in her eyes
Running into people as she tries to escape
It all continued
She couldn’t breath
She had to get out
This was too much
Falling to the floor, the world a blur with her burning tears,
her small body trembling with her sobs
It was silent now,
the static in her ears decreasing,
till the deafening silence had overtaken her
Happy birthday they all sang
But as she lay there
There was no sound
Not any more.
This is me telling you that it is okay to say no.
I know for some people saying "no" is not easy.
But I want you to know that it is okay to use your voice.
It’s okay to tell the football quarterback that you don’t want to hook up with him because you aren’t ready to go past first base.
It’s okay to say no to going to parties, say no to a drink and if you are offered drugs you can say no. Because peer pressure is a bitch.
It’s okay to say no to trying CBD or smoking weed because somebody suggested trying it to calm your mental health disorder. It’s not for everyone.
It’s okay to say no to that person who thrives off of doing yoga when it helps them. You have your own method to practice breathing.
It’s okay to say no to that guy that you met at the gym, but you heard that he’s a jerk and treats girls like trash. Those types of guys belong in the garbage.
It’s okay to say no to someone who wants to go somewhere new on an adventure that you don’t feel comfortable going to.
It’s okay to say no when you are in a situation you feel uncomfortable in.
It’s okay to tell the guy at the bar that you just met no that you aren’t going home with him for a one night stand.
It’s okay for you to say no to sending a dirty picture to that guy you thought was into you, but only wanted nudes from you.
It’s okay to say no to a toxic person and cut them out of your life for the better.
It’s okay to say no to a guy. No one gets to touch you without your consent and you don’t owe anyone your consent.
It’s okay to say no to sex.
It’s okay to say no to absolutely anything you feel uncomfortable with.
It’s okay to say no to going out with girlfriends because you don’t feel like your mental health can handle another night at the club/bar.
You are not a bad person because you say “no.”
You have the right to say what you want to say.
It’s okay to say no.
No means no.
This is 2020.
Use your voice.
She’s not her scars, anxieties, and traumas.
She’s brave and stronger than her fears.
Quiet and introverted.
Trusting and patient.
Loving and caring.
Her hands, her smile, and her heart have been through the unimaginable.
From casts, physical therapy, needles, and blood to heartbreak.
She falls down time to time, but she gets right back up.
Over and over again.
She fights a war of anxiety on the daily.
Even though she does not want to.
She fights it.
Hiding her strongest fears.
But sometimes, her fears overpower her and take over.
Quicker than lighting.
Breaking down; making her cry.
She will be resilient.
And it will take her awhile to bounce back.
But deal with it.
That’s how she works.
Her heart is the wildest thing about her.
It tells her story.